Love that fabric? Make a skirt!

Take 1.5 to 2 metres of fabric, cut to your desired length (mini, knee-length, or maxi).
Sew a hem at the waistband and thread through elastic, then hem the bottom, and finally sew the side seam together.
Easy peasy! I make these by hand, but you could use a sewing machine. I fold my hems over twice, and leave a generous amount of fabric in the side seam, just to avoid fraying.
Here's what I created recently using this method;

Dear fucknoodles, hands off our bodies.

So I'm having a crappy week, PTSD and otherwise. Insults from strangers, though common and expected, do not help, but what really pisses me off is when strangers insult my girlfriends. I've had three of them on the phone in tears in the last 48 hours, after they had endured nasty verbal attacks directed at their healthy, naturally thin bodies.
Yes, I said thin.
I get bullied all the time for being fat, and so I'm somewhat inoculated against the constant barrage of rudeness being dished out by judgmental fuckwits. My slim girlfriends are equally accustomed to it, as are my athletic friends, my tall friends, my short friends, my Asian friends, my gay friends, my trans friends....you get the picture.
In each case, my outrage comes from the same source; who the fuck are you to have an opinion about our bodies, and who the fuck are you to justify your insulting and disrespectful behaviour with flimsy assumptions you have made upon observing our figures for a few seconds?
So you're not attracted to us? Well, darn it, I guess we're just revolting and unworthy of your respect, then, huh? Get a life, dude. If you're not into us, that's actually okay. You don't actually need to be rude to us to make yourself feel better. We're not here to take on your bullshit and absorb your insecurities.
Maybe you could go find someone you actually like and spend time being happy rather than wasting your time and all those fancy swear words on us. Then we could also have an extra few seconds each day where we're not being abused and told we're not good enough. See? Everyone wins.
Sincerely,
"Fat Cunt" (girlfriend of "Ano Bitch").

Random acts of dickwaddery.

After a productive day completing fun sewing projects and cooking addictive cannelloni, I find myself unable to sleep, due to brooding over the insults I received during last night's foray into town, so I am going to have a little blurt about it to clear my head.
I was described as "enormous", "intimidating", "ugly", "smug", "offensive", and "disgusting", all in the course of a rather alarming rant issued forth by a capacious middle aged man, who happened to be sitting at an adjacent table of a cabaret club frequented by my mother and me.
I am certain that the man in question believed I was unable to hear him, especially since his dissertation concerning my overall appearance was rather vitriolic. His companion was a woman, remarkably similar in size and dress to myself, and she remained silent throughout. No doubt she had retreated to a happy place inside her imagination, whilst desperately fighting the urge to roll her eyes and/or slap the guy.
He punctuated each new adjective with a pointed index finger; thusly; "She's enormous! (finger). I mean, I played full forward in rugby and that girl is intimidating! (finger). Who does she think she is, to look so smug with her ugly face? (finger). It's not right! (finger). It's offensive the way these fat birds think they can just wear whatever they like. Unbelievable! She's just disgusting! (finger)."
On the whole, this was an embarrassing spectacle for all involved. I remained reticent, preferring to focus on enjoying a rare evening out with my mother, after a particularly horrible year for the both of us. Everybody could hear this turdburger, which makes me wonder if he a) has a hearing impediment, or b) has an undiagnosed mental illness. A kind man sitting next to me leaned over and said in a stage whisper; "Somebody is obviously very  secure in their masculinity", then everybody had a giggle and breathed a sigh of relief as the house lights went down.
Anyhoo, end of rant. I feel better now.

I am delighted by unexpected appreciation!

So, feeling a little moody and sore this morning, I ventured out to the local shops in order to procure TOOBS (the best). I had dressed in whatever came to hand in my state of insufficiently caffeinated disenchantment, which ended up consisting of denim short shorts, pantyhose, t-shirt, and boots. And an expert level of resting bitchface.
I was swamped with compliments the entire time I was out of the house. I don't know if it's the power of the tiny shorts, or if people just felt I needed bucking up, but either way, I was overwhelmed and cheered up immensely.
My favourite incident involved two rather tasty shelf stacking boys in the supermarket. Their reaction to my sauntering past them in all my big bottomed fabulousness was to start rapping; "Work the body, work work the body, hold up girl, you 'bout to hurt somebody!". Hilarious, apt, cute, and immediately celebrated by purchasing new lingerie.